Becoming Nobody

No shape, no purpose, no name — I am

A while ago I realized, that I was someone different from who I meant to be at first, when I — and this was long before I was finally born here — had decided to become human on this place called Earth.

This moment of realization, I suddenly became aware, that I defined my human ego or this human self by the notion of who I was and what I did; meaning by accomplishments, by the number of friends, by likes, by certificates or by status — by the definition of me from the outside, so to say. And it struck me hard, that I had forgotten about the playful, joyous, magical, beautiful, and loving self from within me.

This was the moment, when I decided to leave the stage as Princess Gaia, I also chose to walk away from my role as Community Manager of the EUSG and from the author and storyteller I was. I left facebook and social media for a while. And some time later I also stepped back from my role as the well-known therapist and body whisperer of Berlin.

In short, I chose to shift from a somebody with a clear understanding of who I was into a nobody, whose only reason for being alive is experiencing life with all its playfulness, joy, magic, beauty and love.

This transformation turned out to be the most beautiful thing that I could ever have wished for. My shape, my purpose, my name, … all I had always been known for — my character, my knowledge, my skills — this all faded as I became lesser and softer and I would arrive home, would meet me in the inside of me, would leave the outside noise behind and listen more consciously to the voices in my kingdom in the inside of the inside. On the outside this led to surprising changes. Going inside does not mean to leave the outside behind. It does not mean to ignore the world we claim to be the real thing. Even more than ever before, I would merge with any surrounding circumstances with ease. I felt like a Chameleon that is there and yet not noticeable. I felt like water that is everywhere in and around us and that is often not recognized, something that is of immense worth and at the same time a common good of whose preciousness we often are forgetful about. I felt free like a particle of fresh air, floating through life with ease, using the fast storm or the soft breeze as I wished.