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Tearing down Walls
I did not find a therapist. But I found a wall.
His words hit me in the face. “Sorry,” he said, “I cannot cope with this game you play, with this back and forth and with this unsteady behavior. I am not prepared for that.” Then he left me standing.
It was not his words as such, it rather was the wake-up call they created.
Darkness surrounded me.
“Choose,” my inner voice shouted. “That is what you always say to the others. Make your decision and make it for life or against it. And once you decide. Then make your decision with all following consequences. Choose life and get ready to enjoy it. Choose death and get ready to leave the world. Be your decision.”
“Why are you saying that?” I asked myself. “I did choose. Life. Love. Happiness. All of that. And I was it all the time.”
“No.” That was my inner voice’s reply “You never lived it profoundly. You just made it appear as such. On the outside layer. And then you ran around like a preacher, spreading a message you yourself were not ready to live.” It spit on the floor, the inner voice and then it turned its back to me.
There I was. As always. And while I stood there in the dark, I realized that I had. I had always chosen. I had chosen to stay strong. And I was strong. I had chosen…
