Dear human friend.
It is full moon. The night of Halloween. Some time after midnight I wake up. My own laughter disrupts the sleep. “A pen. A pen.” I think to myself. “Quickly. Before I forget.” Yet, knowing from deep within, that this picture might not ever leave me again, already thinking about whom to send this writing in order to create a drawing from my words.
First, let me tell you my last thoughts before I went into dreamland. I was thinking about death and the question on: How can I ever create a new notion around death which is — just like giving birth, marrying someone, passing an exam — only one of many steps in a soul’s life as human being. How can I create a new story for dying, maybe letting people understand that it is — just like a snake that leaves one skin behind while growing into another — only transformation of our selves. How can we prepare ourselves for the fact that we are not losing friends and relatives who leave their body — just for the fact that we own nothing and at the same time we are everything like the notion of Non-Attachment tries to express ever so often, in terms of celebrating moments in humility and gratitude more often?
These were my thoughts after a week of having conversations with friends about the fear of illness and death, shortly before I went to bed.
In Germany we have a saying for when we take some time off. We phrase it: Die Seele baumeln lassen (in English: letting the soul dangle). Death I thought, is just the opposite. The soul (our causal body) lets the human being (our physical and subtle bodies) dangle.
Then I fell asleep.
In my dream, I visited my uncle who has deceased long ago.
When I reached his grave, the scene was beautifully strange. On the gravestone I found a huge post-it saying “Dear friends — of any consistence — please note, that I am on a journey for a yet unknown while, it is by the time to allow my physical body, the subtle energies and my mind to dangle and recover from the bruises they have taken courageously from me, while we have been together. You must know that life for me as soul in these bodies was an awesome trip to discover how it all tastes, smells, feels and sounds like. (As souls we have many tales about how it is to be human, we are around you and are aware, still, it is intangible for us — as being a soul is intangible for you, I assume). I wanted to have it all and I exploited these poor skins a bit. I have tried to clean them and leave them orderly behind. Fell free, if you are a soul that needs to discover a bit through my skins, just go ahead and take one or two.”
I was amazed. Was this my uncle? At least, the clothes on the chair, which was placed right next to the gravestone reminded me on him. His jeans, his shoes, his jacket, his pipe, … I took a deep inhale to get a glimpse of my uncle’s smell. Yes, those were his.
Then I saw some stairs going below the ground and a sign with an arrow “This Way”. As I followed the sign under the earth, I entered a huge closet and the temperature here was very nice. Body temperature, I thought to myself. And indeed, on a hook, I found that skin of my uncle. A little bit used, and still good. It looked like a whole body jumpsuit (just as the snake’s skin), size L, definitely him again. Again, I took a deep breath and I carefully stroke with my hands over the beautiful finding, recognizing a note being pinned on it. “This article is only available for a short time. Soon this skin will shrink and be recycled into a newborn body size.” I smiled.
There was a scent of peace in the room and a new sign blinking just before a corridor. As I went through, I came into a room which looked like a snoozle room. It had beautiful lights, a soft music and it was filled with an almost see-through material, not water and not air (something in between), as I went through the room in an awe, I could feel different energies. Here it was colder, there I was almost burning. Here I eased through and there it had a higher density. And at one point I became aware of someone almost invisible dancing. The silhouette reminded me on my uncle. I danced with him in silence and as I did, another door opened.
“This way”. This was the next room silently calling me. Here it was dark, like in a movie theatre, shortly before the film. And I saw machines like Computers and a memory stick. The name of my uncle was written on it and as I picked it up, and put it into one of the machines, a screen appeared in front of me. I realized a cozy armchair and decided to do the obvious. Sitting, relaxing and watching a film. It was his film, my uncle’s life’s film from all the memories he had collected up until now. I had tears in my eyes, so many moments I did not know about. Time did not matter, because this was a dream. So, I watched the whole film. It must have taken me more than fifty years. I was overwhelmed by his life and by his death because he had no pain and simply said farewell to his skin, already realizing what a great journey he had ahead of him.
With these thoughts of mine, a flap opened just under the armchair I sat in and we (the chair and I) fell down into the sky. The sky? How can this be? Was I not UNDER the ground? I was so astonished, that there were no signs of fear. As I recall now, falling through the sky is not what we usually do. Well, at least in the dream, we did not fall at all, we were rather floating, the chair and me. And it knew were it was going. It followed little shiny things, tiny stars and then the horizon came closer. Closer. Closer. And yet, further away. Away. Away.
I squeezed my eyes and looked hard. I tried to grab the image of whatever it was, beyond the horizon. Maybe it was all light. Maybe it was all black. I cannot recall. All I remember was the sensation that it was my uncle. And it was me. And it felt like coming home. Or rather as being at home. I am at home. Wherever I am.
Dear human friend,
I am going straight back into sleep now. Wallowing in the feeling of being at home. Here on earth or there beyond the horizon. We are all at home.
With a deep bow,